Men are nervous about this, too!” Says Katherine. “Inflicting pain on a woman, even erotic pain, is a little daunting!” She thinks many a man is OK with the act of spanking his lady but he may not be OK with the part of himself that likes it — he might be wondering if there’s something angry, violent, or wrong with him. MORE : B&Q leaked memo warns staff to expect a rush on rope, cable ties and masking tape due to Fifty Shades of Grey effect So, how can you know which sources to trust? The best approach is to use the guidelines in the article below about finding safe, sound sex education to help you figure out who actually knows what they're talking about. That way, any remaining nerves you may have won't be made worse by the worry that you might get hurt in an unintentional and unfun way. Don't take too long with a baring, but you can make it ceremonious to drag it out a bit for more of a psychological effect on your spankee. I had once read an article in my youth (okay yes I'm still young at 25, but bare with me!) that explained that jeans will reduce the energy transfer of a spank by up to 70%, while underwear can reduce the transfer by up to 30-40%.

Alternatively, baring before you go over the knee is also a great way to do it. If you need to be expedient, doing so over the knee can work as well.So, you've decided to give a good hard spanking, and you've decided to want to pull some layers down because your submissive is a-ok with it!

Feeling embarrassed to the point where you just don't feel like you can talk to your boyfriend about this at all probably means spanking isn't quite something you're ready to explore in real life. That would be okay, too. It'll always be there for you later when you're feeling more comfortable talking about it. But if even talking about something feels daunting, that's usually a very solid clue we're probably not ready to do that something. Bizarrely, I couldn’t stop thinking of my Uncle Nigel. A big fan of obscure and curious objects, I knew he would’ve been mesmerised by the oddities on display and I had to resist the temptation to text him: ‘10 points if Auntie Mavis guesses what this is? Clue: it’s not a dog chew’. This method is excellent for giving that "classic" feel to a spanking, even though it takes longer. I find that it works the best for warm ups as well. In talking to your boyfriend, you can always opt for the direct approach, which is to say something like "Hey boyfriend, I am curious about how it would feel to be spanked during sex. Are you comfortable trying that?" If he says yes, then you can proceed from there. If he says no, or otherwise indicates that he's not into the idea, then spanking will remain a fantasy only activity for the time being.

If you decide that you do want to try spanking, then it's time for a discussion with your boyfriend. I know you're worried about embarrassing yourself, but if you want to explore your desires, you are going to have to talk to him. If it helps, know that sharing what our sexual desires are with a partner, even if they don't share them or want to try them, is one of the ways we develop and sustain intimacy in sexual relationships. This is going to be my fourth post for A Guide to Basic Spanking Techniques where we will cover Hard limits, soft limits, and clothing/layers/baring In general, unless the bathing suit or undies are white, you won't be able to see the entire bottom, but usually you can see the redness peaking out beneath the bottom of the panties, which is better than nothing for trying to discern how hard you're spanking! That diversity of sexual experience I mentioned also applies to how we categorize and describe our behaviors. Something that one person defines as super-taboo is totally unremarkable to someone else. You may find that spanking falls solidly within your definition of kinky (if that's even a word or frame you use), but that that you're not comfortable calling what you do BDSM. You may find that you're comfortable with the BDSM label, but that spanking doesn't match your definition of it. You may find that spanking falls into a separate category altogether, or no category at all. All of those outcomes are completely fine. What sensations feel sexual, and how we feel about them, are personal and variable. You get to name your desires in whatever way feels right to you and makes you the most comfortable. Our sexual lives and sexualities are totally DIY in this way. Human sexual behavior and desire are way more diverse than most people give them credit for. One person's "Oh,gosh no," can be another person's "Oh, hell yes,"and that is completely fine. So, if those nerves and embarrassment you're feeling are in any way related to thinking that what you want is "bad," I want to say two things to you:

With deep expertise that connects research, practice, and policy, HGSE faculty are leaders in the field. Explore the Section Research has long underscored the negative effects of spanking on children’s social-emotional development, self-regulation, and cognitive development, but new research, published this month, shows that spanking alters children’s brain response in ways similar to severe maltreatment and increases perception of threats. These can be true, but it's not a worthless spanking if it's over the pants or undies. I'm going to go through here and describe my personal preferences for spanking over or under clothing, as well as compromises that a dominant and submissive can take to preserve the efficacy of the spanking, as well as the submissive's dignity.

Not much to say here, and not much to see except for almost your entire target. Thongs/similar types of underwear are very good for giving what is essentially a bare-bottom spanking, but covering the genitals. If I ever give a spanking to someone in a "one and done" hook-up-y kind of fashion, this is usually what I go for just because I usually don't like things to turn sexual during either disciplinary encounters, or if I want to spank and not make things too sex oriented. You might be wondering why I waited a while to discuss hard and soft limits, but I felt it was appropriate to discuss them up against baring and clothing, since this is really where hard and soft limits are going to apply much more closely. The modern bachelor is a multi-skilled marvel. A mowing God in the garden, a pancake-tossing technician in the kitchen and a pro-player of hide the sausage in the bedroom.